Tuesday, November 21, 2017

A Heart-breaker's Monologue on Love, Life, Time, and Freewill

It is amazing when life reveals one of its deepest secrets to you! 

In two months, I will be completing my thirty fifth year on Planet Earth. I never realized how beautiful life is until only three years ago. I met a man who taught me how to love every single bit of my living existence. He was the male copy of me. He was the mirror projecting my inner self that I had been hiding deep within, out of fear of being hurt. I had enough bruises to inhibit me from taking further risk. He healed them all, so I was able to play the game of living once again.  

Ironically, we met at awkward crossroads of life. I was on my way in, while he was on his way out. But love does not understand the workings of time, age, and social obligations. Neither of us had the power to control time, so we decided to control love. 

We broke up and went on our separate ways trying not to look back. We tried for three times to pursue life without each other, and it was impossible. We preferred staying at this awkward crossroads, rather than living within what people call a normal time and social context. We were happy to be the exception for the rule. This was not the kind of love to walk on.  

In the process, it was impossible to ignore the amount of damage we were causing to everyone around us. By staying in our awkward crossroads, he was destroying all those whom he shares his life with. By leaving our awkward crossroads, I walked over three amazing men, whose only guilt was to fall in love with me. I called off a wedding ceremony only fifteen minutes before it starts, I broke up with a fiancé only one week before marriage, and manipulated a long time friend-zoned lover. 

I know sincere apology could not make it up for them, but I am really sorry for breaking their heart. They must be thinking of me as a mean person with cruel heart. But no! My heart is the most fragile of all. I am only a woman in love, who is going through a very tough battle with time and society. I hope one day they would understand and forgive me. 

Only today, life decided to reveal one of its secrets to me. That is: love is not a burden to resist, but an empowerment tool to hold. Real love is the only thing that can control time, break all fences, and re-write our whole destiny. Lovers exist in life only when they embrace love; otherwise their existence does vanish when they sacrifice love to time or social norms. 

Love is the one and only thing that empowers us, humans, to realize our utmost potential to practice our freewill and enjoy the life that we always wanted to have. 

Therefore, I decided to never ever resist love or let go of the man I loved the most just because we did not meet on the right time or context! I will never ever give up on living the life I want.